Today I am scared of my own potential. And that’s the only hurdle I have to overcome. At some point in the past I followed my natural path and the glimpse of success there scared me. I felt alone, unable to cope, and some part of me decided that it was scary to have success. Then I started to shy away from it. Actively. In any way possible.
Now I’ve decided to allow myself to grow, flourish and be whatever I’m meant to be. But this requires an element of courage and fearlessness that currently challenges me. I know that the bull is standing facing me, waiting for my move, intimidating me into inaction.
So here with my fear staring me in the eye, what do I do?
Having just read (and fallen completely in love with) The Warrior Ethos by Steven Pressfield, the first thing I do is maintain eye contact.
I am not going to look away, turn away or avoid dealing with the fear.
Yes it’s terrifying, yes it’s huge, but I have enough experience to know two things:
- Self limiting fear or intimidation exists only in my head.
- If I avoid the fear, it will start sabotaging and stabbing me in the back anyways.
So I sit myself down calmly, acknowledging that the fear is eager to leap on me, trample all my thoughts and emotions, make me feel panic and avoidance or whatever it takes to get its way. Fortunately I’ve been through a fair amount of self development and know that I am master of my choices.
Just acknowledging that and being able to separate the fear from my own conscious choices – knowing that it is an emotion trying to control my thoughts, and that I don’t have to allow it power to do so – is a big step many people have to make.
A lot of us think and feel as if they were one thing. They sure feel like one thing when we’re mad and having trouble articulating why.
But if we can acknowledge that our mind is perfectly capable of controlling our body, and therefore our emotions – we can make the choice to do exactly that.
In that choice we have just decided to take more control of our lives.
But anyways, I digress… here I’m going to share what I am going to do about that fear now that I’m staring it in the face and it’s breathing hot smelly fear breath all over my eyeballs.
I’m going to sit down. Fear is just going to stand there, being all scary and fear-like. I’m going to acknowledge that anything I anticipate happening in the future has not happened yet and therefore is probably just in my head – being imagined. Whatever has happened in the past is now over and gone, and only the memory now lives in my head. I’m going to remind myself that I exist now, in this moment, and that is all I can really say is a fact at this point in time.
This thought process should take a little off the edge of fear’s flame, because reminding myself that imagined things – like monsters under the bed – are more scary when we allow them to be scary – lets me bring myself back to the here and now, when I’m writing this post or you’re reading this post and in doing so taking an action to give ourselves more power and allow fear less power.
Any action we take to empower ourselves is POWERFUL.
Now I’m going to consider the person that fear is trying to scare me away from being. What are they like? What are they doing? And WHY are they doing it?
This should help me get curious about the person and remind me of things that I may be intimidated by or afraid of. Is this person powerful? Are they a CEO? Are they in business or running a company or fighting in competitive martial arts? Are they travelling freely around the world with two bucks and no belongings? Are they buying their fifth property? Are they wealthy? Are they ridiculously wealthy? Lets be clear – really clear – and not just about the idea or fantasy of having this or being that. What does it take?
Lets get detailed. What are they DOING in their day?
What actions are they taking every day? Nobody makes a billion dollars from scratch by sitting at home doing nothing. A billion dollars is made by providing a billion dollars worth of value. Maybe they decided to become the best gamer on Twitch, or drop ship toothpicks globally, print name cards, or sell eco-friendly diapers wholesale. Maybe they decided to let go of all their possessions and just seek experiences. But they TAKE ACTIONS daily – what are they? What does it take to run a limited company? Have five employees? Have fifty employees? Be a stay at home mum? Lets see those details!
With every step towards finding out those details – with every new piece of information learned – the flame of fear starts to burn slightly less brightly… and we gain personal strength in knowledge.
My fear is based in my past – and now that I’ve reminded myself that the past is gone, and I am a much stronger and more developed person than I was back then – I can commit to really considering what I want and WHY.
The WHY will always be a motivator we can count on, so we need to know our WHY.
For me, I want to establish my corsetry brand Pearls & Arsenic as a Ltd company and expand it to be very stable. I want it to be the most established corsetry brand in Asia, and well known internationally as such.
I want my body to be fit, lean and as capable as it possibly can be. I want to be in great working media industry shape and able to work with capable and motivated agents on new and exciting projects. I want to enjoy playing kung fu and other sword forms!
I would really love to share empowerment with young people – especially teens and pre-teens by talking at schools or other places.
In short form – I’d like to create corsets, model them with a specific femme fatale ‘look’ and be able to empower young people and others by sharing my journey.
And hey why not. Who’s to say it’s not possible. It hasn’t happened yet. All I have to do is ask myself whether I can do and am able to do the primary / fundamental / first step things that are needed to achieve those things. Because if I can do them and am able to… then all I need to commit to is actually doing them, right?
So if I look at a day in the life of that person – what might it look like?
- Exercise – a LOT of this. Likely kung fu + strength + flexibility – perhaps skipping, rowing, sword practice and a load of stretching or trying basic gymnastic stuff? Probably every single day, or 5-6 days a week minimum.
- Wearing a corset, obviously. Probably on a daily basis – including days I don’t really feel like it. I already know the femme fatale look I want to achieve – rather Maleficent + Dita von Teese + comic book Psylocke… long dark hair and red lips on a powerful modern empress.
- Eating pretty damn healthily to foster and support the strength – more protein, small portions. Steamed salmon, veggies, and avoidance of sugar and dairy as much as possible. Thankfully my Dumpling Diaries journey is fostering this path well…
- Getting proactive in my work – dedicating solid time to selling and creating corsets and improving the corset business while promoting education on corset wearing, lifestyle and safety to an Asia-wide and international audience.
- And regarding empowering people – hopefully this blog will reach those it’s meant to, and improving myself will lead to opportunities that have schools or other communities reach out to have me speak to their audiences. But I can always aim to achieve the previous goals as daily habits and then present a pitch to schools on empowerment and self. I feel very much like this is my WHY. I’d love my journey to inspire someone on theirs.
That’s quite a few things to fit into a day – but it’s not impossible and it’s certainly not scary. Suddenly I look the bull in the eyes and it’s not flaming any more. In fact it’s not really doing anything but looking at me. And now I step forward, my weapons the details and knowledge in my hand and the certainty that I can capably do any of those things in a day.
Making that list – writing it down – breaking it into parts – really helps.
All I have to do is remind myself of this when I doubt or when the fear emerges. It lives only in my head and has no power against the positive actions that I can take towards my goals.
Therefore I’m the boss – and every action I take towards those goals diminishes the power fear has in my life. Frankly, good riddance.
There’s fun to be had and I’m not letting fear get in the way of it.
N.B. Here are two videos to add to the above – hope they’re helpful and make some points seem clearer or add to the message.
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