Do you bully yourself?

One of the most powerful secrets to self confidence is truly believing that we can trust ourselves.
However, many of us struggle with being able to grasp the tendrils of true confidence for one very simple reason : we are unkind to ourselves.

Whether it be in softly whispered reprimand or the loud yell of an angry voice in our head, it is a sad fact of life that many of us live with treatment less caring and kind than we deserve.
We are bullied, and the bully is us.

For some of us, the voices have become so loud that we live with self doubt or depression; carrying an agonisingly heavy weight of sadness on our shoulders.

I encourage each of us to believe that negative unkindness is something that we can exercise power over. It is in our minds, after all, and we are the only true masters of our minds.


As difficult as it can seem at the time, we have the choice to turn away and refuse to allow this any more.

Be kind whenever possible.
It is always possible. ~Dalai Lama

Therefore the question might be asked – why do we accept being unkind to ourselves?
Perhaps a sneaky voice in our head will try and tell us that we deserve it. But that voice is wrong. We don’t deserve it, not one bit. Just because we ALLOW it doesn’t mean we deserve it.
Maybe we just didn’t realise we had another choice. But we know now.

We can see the illusion.

Therefore I encourage anyone lacking self kindness to make a change – to step up to that voice in our minds and say NO.

“NO. This is no longer acceptable. If you have nothing kind to say, please sit on that chair in the corner and be quiet, thank you.”

No self bullying today. Only kindness.

Negative habit is a dangerous creature to give control to and can silently steal pieces of our lives from us by chipping away at our self confidence. But habit can also be our friend if we work with it to focus on habits of positive actions, kindness, gentleness, calmness…

Thankfully through taking action by being kind to ourselves – saying NO to unkind words and accepting only gentle words instead – we slowly start to trust ourselves, little by little.

Gradually, by showing ourselves the kindness we would show a dearly loved friend or child, we accept our power to make the choices we want to make and pursue actions that take us where we want to be – to a place of confidence.

We may have to say NO to negativity multiple times a day; it may be a struggle, but with gentle and calm persistence we will succeed.

Rome wasn’t built in a day, and neither is confidence and self trust.

I hope we can keep that in mind whenever we have an unkind thought for ourselves, because the world is a better place when one less person in it is bullied – and that person is you.

From self kindness comes confidence, and from confidence comes the power to help others. Lets start where we can – right here – and make the positive changes we are destined to make.

Whenever you have a moment of doubt or sadness, remember the wise words of Peter Pan author J.M. Barrie – “Always be a little kinder than is necessary.” Today, tomorrow, and repeat. ❤

Be yourself. Be kind to yourself. And the rest will begin to make sense from there…

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Raven Tao

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