5 Reasons Why Mr. Darcy Wouldn’t Be A Great Husband

Marry me?

Oh the scandal! The indignity! Someone questioning Mr. Darcy?? Speak not of this awful aberration! She who shall not be named (or hereafter ever spoken to again)!!! And so it is with bemusement that I offer this post for all those who love a little Austen humour in their daily lives.

You left the dishes in the sink? NO, YOU DID.

While it would be utterly divine to have someone fall so absolutely in love with us for us, flaws, silly Bennett sisters, hysterical mother and all, it is worth remembering that Mr. Darcy spends much of his time making a terrible impression on everyone around him, bar for his closest friend Mr. Bigley, who seems like nothing would really be able to wipe the smile from his cheery face anyways.

Oh Darcy’s being obnoxious again teeheehee

Darcy grumps about during social occasions, mates utterly rude comments about perfectly respectable people, and always looks like he’s trying to hide the fact that everything smells like garbage.

What a bummer.

Frankly I don’t think that would be very fun to marry, despite his fabulous house and Mrs. Bennett’s excitement over his income (though Emma Woodhouse’s income is about 3x that of Mr. Darcy’s, so I’d rather just go over and hang out at her house… AND I love broth/light soup for dinner so that works out perfectly…)

Here are five of the reasons why I think Mr. Darcy wouldn’t be a great husband.

Don’t make eye contact with me, pleb.

1. Crabby comments! 
Not only does Darcy apparently not feel comfortable participating in social activities, (such as dancing at a dance), but he skulks around awkwardly and makes snarky comments about people around him. This is both uncalled for and ungentlemanly, because as we know – and as Mr. Knightly rightly points out in Emma- if you are blessed enough to be fortunate in life, it is your responsibility to always act in a manner that is kind and proper. I feel that this is terribly undignified of him, and would be embarrassing for a wife to have to live with.

But I’ll happily make rude comments about them.

2. Sullen demeanour
He always seems to have a dour expression about everything around him, like nothing brings him much joy. Living in a mansion in the middle of the glorious countryside, surrounded by incredible art, gardens, scenery, fountains and all the outdoor entertainment you could want to organise across the sprawling moors, with your best friend living next door, what’s there NOT to be gleeful about?

I’m so in love with you I managed this facial twitch.

I also feel like it might get a little dull living with someone who is so unwilling to bother making an effort with people when he’s forced to do anything slightly social. Going to the opera? Nope. Parties? If you want everyone insulted. Dinner with friends? He might leave midway, but hey who needs manners…
Sorry, but that’s a husband fail.

Oh great it’s finally over, lets leave.

3. Uncommunicative 
When he does decide to open up it’s out of the blue and with no filter.
The things he says are not only rude but downright hurtful and insulting, even if he doesn’t mean them in malice. This makes me think that he’d be awful at resolving marital issues with, because he’d pore silently over issues for lengths of time and then finally blurt out some rubbish that deserves a slap. You’d think with the amount of time he takes to think about things, he’d come up with better spiels than the ones he delivers…

Are you kidding me?

4. Being a snob
Snobbing is all very good and well for the small minded billionaire but frankly, I find it rather insecure, immature and unappealing a trait. Those courageous enough to accept the value in learning from new people and embracing differences are the people I admire. I don’t see many reports of Catherine The Duchess of Cambridge snobbing people off, and I don’t expect anyone would admire her if there were. I think that it could be quite difficult having to constantly apologise to your friends for your husbands snobby and non-inclusive behaviour, and I feel it would get rather boring quite quickly indeed. No thanks.

Ugh, get away from me.

5. Not a very positive person in general! 
Grumbling, snobbish, rude, dismissive, unsocial, boorish and socially awkward (not being able to politely converse with people he’s never met before? So you’re stuck in a tiny social world that never expands? Fail.) I have to say that Mr. Darcy doesn’t seem like a terribly positive person to be around, be with, or be involved with. And when it really boils down to it, we have to see our partners a lot and work through ups and downs with them, and Darcy’s regularly negative mindset does make me wonder how pleasant daily life would be with him as a husband.

1940 film with Laurence Olivier: “I also remember that Mr. Darcy is the sort of person who offers his friendship, and, then, at the first test of loyalty, withdraws it.”

So in summary…

But that’s just me. I’m glad that it was Elizabeth that married him. She’s a lot more tolerant of being with Oscar The Grouch then I would be. At least Oscar insults fewer people.

Put a lid on it, Oscar.

Leave a comment if you think of other reasons why Darcy wouldn’t make a great husband. The sillier or funnier, the better!

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Raven Tao

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